So apparently now Youtube is blowing up with commentary about how much Will Smith's new hit "Pretty Girls" sucks. I just want to say thank you so much Will Smith for sucking so badly that we all have something to talk about now. This is another installment of a new trend I notice among celibrities: They're getting made fun of more frequently and more severely than they ever were, and about this, I can only smile gleefully. I love it. And I'm not talking about gossip as in The National Enquirer where even though they were talked badly about they were still sort of worshipped in the sense that no publicity is bad publicity. These celibrities are getting really pathetic in the public eye. Looking at you Katy Perry.
The most disturbing thing away the way this new Will Smith hit music video starts off, is that he's in some kind of shrink's office, like a psychologist or psychiatrist, or marriage and family therapist, or something. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, exactly, but don't you think you'd have to have some kind of real problem, like an actual addiction, or, more specifically for this case, an actualy sex addiction, or be battling some miscreant, abnormal, or deviant sexual behavior issue, in order to really warrant seeing a shrink? Here, we just see Will Smith sitting there as if he's kind of blissed out.
I do dig the sexy shrink. She's a black lady, and while black ladies have never specifically been a point of interest for me, they do sometimes get me going. I don't think I've ever wanked to a black lady, and I've never, ah-hem, "been with" one, but every once in a while (like that time I was passing through the Atlanta airport on my way to Cambodia, for example), some black ladies strike me as fucking nice to be around, as in "even white boy got to shout!" if you know what I mean. So anyway back to my original point about the shrink in Will Smith's video.
So it starts off with Will Smith talking to this black shrink lady, and she's got this nice milk-chololately creamy cleavage spilling out. It's the kind of cleavage that's like, you know, she has to know it's spilling out like that. The breasts are a little saggy but that's forgivable. She's elegant, refined, well-educated, so a little bit of saggy boob syndrome can be forgiven. After all, she's older. I'm not saying she necessarily possesses any of the sexual qualities men would find most arousing in a visceral way, but what I am saying is that her other qualities are indeed sexual, if you're a bit more sapio-sexual (turned on by intelligence), like myself, and you're already in a long-term relationship with this lady. I mean, she'd be a stunning wife -- all that and a bag of chips IF she were in fact already a wifey -- and not just any wifey... YOUR wifey. Yes, what I'm saying is that this fine intelligent black lady with a degree working as a shrink would be a fine wife if she is in fact YOUR wife. Nothing to covet. Nothing to oggle over. I just find her to be be the kind of fine black lady who could continue to make a man happy well into a marriage, I would imagine. I like that about her, and the saggy nature of the cleavage could be completely forgiven, especially if you've been with her since she was young.
Anyway...
I would have to say that at 0:28 into the video, Will Smith has the biggest dumbfuck look I have ever seen on a grown man. And I mean this in the most thankful way possible to Will Smith. Thank you for looking like the biggest dumbfuck in the world for a change, so I for once don't have to.
But again, back to my original point. Will... this downplays and almost mocks the kind of things people might really need a shrink for. Like a real addiction, real trauma, real abuse, and so on. You don't just sit there taking up valuable time in a shrink's office, and out of your own life, just to sit there are say you like pretty girls. This is really the dumbest thing I've ever heard of in a music video.
At 0:36 you can tell we get a big thud of bass on the sound system. That is, if you have big enough sound system, I'm sure it will thud and shake the house, and thump your chest a little, and you could feel it on the dance floor. That's how we know things are really hoppin' and it's time to kick it in the club. A regular club-goer (which I used to be, believe it or not, back before I got married with a kid, and quit drinking) would already have some drinks in their system by now, feeling pretty good, and this bass thud would be very climactic right about now. Good Will Smith! Nice, you got bass. But so does the "demo" button on the keyboard at Wal-Mart. Really, what wouldn't have a nice bass thud these days, in the club? You can tell the Will Smith thinks he "dropped" the bass thud in a hypnotic fashion at just the right time, to get the party rockin'.
But then we finally see these girls he's supposedly got the psychological issue with, and unlike the fine black shrink with the cleavage spilling out who would be a sexy bedmate well into a marriage (even white boy got to shout!), there is NOTHING particularly appealing about ANY of these pretty girls Will Smith drags into this video like something the cat dragged in. They're plain Janes through-and-through. None of them even seem to have any sort of sapio-sexual appeal even, appear to be wifey, or uwu, or bikini models, or ANYTHING. No Asian googoo-gaga eyes. There's some black cleavage, again, but this time on a woman with a tall thin frame. Not a whole lot of meat on her bones in the way the black ladies are often gifted at offering, such as on the backside and so forth. She looks fine and elegant in that hat. But it's like something out of the 1930's or '40's — devoid of any setting that would make it glamorous. Hats don't exactly give me boners.
We see a chunky white woman on the far left. She looks unhappy, possibly a little butch in the face. She's sporting a long novelty tie that goes all the way down past her knees. I mean, yeah, I like her, I guess, in the sense that, yeah I could fuck and impregnate just about anything for the propagation of the species. You know, if this were like, arranged marriage days, and there weren't other choices. Just plop on her a bed with me, tell me there are no other choices in life, give me a 20-something sex drive, and maybe a few drinks, and it wouldn't be too surprising to find me pumping out some little pure-bred white babies 9 months later.
There's a nondescript bony Asian woman next to her. Not a lot of meat on her bones either. No curves, really. Doesn't look very happy. I mean, yeah, given that I like Asians I probably wouldn't need as many drinks in my system to impregnate her, and I might not require a 20-something sex drive. But honestly she doesn't look very fun. I probably wouldn't want to have a realtionship with her. I know that sounds terrible just from looking at her. But she really doesn't look very interesting as a person.
Third from the left we're back to that black lady I was writing about earlier, with some cleavage, in an all-black dress with a hat. She's too tall for me, sorry. Yes, of course, I could impregnate her, and for some reason I think I would enjoy it even more than with the Asian lady to her left, and certainly more than with the chunky butch on the far left. But, again, not a lot of meat on her bones, and she doesn't look very happy.
Then on the far right we got this ugly lady, I guess she's white, in farmer's overalls that have been splattered with paint as if she'd been playing paintball. She looks kind of dumpy. I would not approach her in the club even if I'd heard she "had the hots" for me and had been looking over at me all night.
Then the camera pans down a little bit and we see a little Will Smith pulling a Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I remember seeing a video one time with some rock star mowing the grass around Pamela Anderson Lee's bikini or something. He was shrunken down to Weeble size, which was kind of cute, as if the lady could fall in love with a little doll. But this, with Will Smith being small... for some reason, he just looks overpowered by butches.
Finally at a minute in we see some fuckable hip shaking. I was getting worried. But these are older bitches. I'm not saying I wouldn't smash. I mean, it'd feel the same once you were drilling into them from behind like a wild bore, anyway, especially if you'd had enough drinks. But what I am saying is that, Will, liking middle-aged white-girl piggy-butt from behind is NOT what you go to a shrink for, buddy. Yes, I could go behind each one of them in series and have kids, gladly, even at their age, given that there was just no young tail around to chase. (I mean this all hypothetically of course, in terms of my raw unrestrained biological urges, not in terms of what I would actually DO as a moral man in real life). That is not the question. The question is, why do you put middle-aged piggy-butt in a music video about "pretty girls," Will Smith? Yeah, we know it's fuckable. So what? Yes, I could fuck that. I think most of us warm-blooded baby-making men would. But that doesn't mean it's worth having a problem with. I'm perfectly comfortable with the idea that yes I would indeed fuck that if biologically presented, and in a morally-ok setting. I don't need to see a shrink for that. That's normal sexuality, Will. It's normal!
My favorite in the line-up happens to be the blonde (not that I care about the hair color) but I'd probably get with the black lady first, just because something in me really likes the idea of interracial gene pool strengthening. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily be more attracted to the black lady. I'd probably just go for her first biologically speaking, in the line-up, assuming they were all in my well-stock harem.
Then we go right back to shots of the Honey I Shrunk the Kids size Will Smith. Why, Will, why? You feel that small and overpowered by women?
Then the lyric jumps into this weird rhyming riff about his having a simp-fest, buying all this shit for a lady and her bestie. Something about a jetski or whatever. Damn, will. I've drilled hotter bitches from behind and didn't even spend anything. Well, not on them. They knew I was poor. Yeah, really. Sugar daddies are cucks. Then he even talks about "changing her life." I'm cracking up. Dude, Will Smith, you do not have to change the bitches' life to drill 'em. Go hogwild in a pig pen, poor as fuck. It doesn't matter, Will. Fucking is just fucking. A lot of bitches love it poorer than you'd think. Some even like the idea that you don't even have to spend anything to get with them, while fools have to open their wallet to nut. I cooked a girl ramen once. That's not to say she ever came back, but hey, I got away with a ramen fuck. You can't say that yourself, Mr. Jetski.
Then he launches into this lyrical tirade about how unpicky he is. But he uses the word "pretty." Get to the point will. You're realizing your biology. They're fuckable. Yes, you'd even fuck middle-aged piggy-butt from behind. Who cares? I mean, I guess that's what you're talking about. It sounds like that to me. You'd "tap it?" So tap it then, Will! You got money and fame and all that. I tapped ass before with far less than you have. The only thing is, I don't go to a shrink for it like it's a problem. And I don't do it anymore because, well, number one, I'm married with a kid, but also because it's just stupid and unfilfilling. I don't give a fuck about it. It's just fucking. Who fucking cares? I even made it a point not to care about it that much when choosing a mate, given how dumb fucking really is, if you've been around the block "a few times." Not once did I feel the need to lyricize fucks.
Thank you, for fucking up so badly with your new rap, Will Smith! I've enjoyed writing this. It's not too often I get to write, from a more cavelier sexually-experienced angle, about a rich and famous celebrity.
Guys, I hate to break it to you, but today is the day when I realized my attempt at making a dating site is not going to work, after nobody, not even one single new user, made it past the sign up page, meaning, nobody actually pressed the sign up button to get an account. Well, the Internet is a crazy place. I guess you just have to adapt quickly if you want to survive on this wild new Information Superhighway. So, I've decided to change course. My Youtube channel isn't working either, so I've decided to collapse and combine both into this blog.
It's going to keep the domain LoveNest.asia, mostly just so I don't have to buy a new domain name for my blog, but also because I want my blog to be a tribute to the awesome Asian cuties dating site that would have been, but never could be, because the Internet has, alas, changed over the past 10 years or so. Nobody really needs a new dating site, anymore, I guess. There wasn't anything wrong with the old LoveNest.asia dating site, per se. You can still get to it at LoveNest.asia/index.php if you really want (Don't beat down the door!), but I'm abandoning trying to promote it at all. This is just a blog now. Thank you for understanding!
I poured so much sweat and tears into LoveNest.asia over the past week or so, with sleepless nights, and getting my circadium rhythm all out of whack just to code it. It does work. It is a fully functional dating site. You can use it if you'd like to find cuties, and handsome men, and so forth (if they signed up). It's not my programming that's wrong. But, there doesn't have to be anything wrong with the programmatic functionality of a site, in order for it to just not work. I don't know how to market a dating site. Or maybe nobody needs one. Or maybe it should be a dot com and not a dot asia. (Why isn't the "asia" capitalized in .asia? I don't know...) Maybe it should ask you if you're a male or female and what you're looking for first, right there on the sign up page. Maybe it shouldn't ask you to enter and confirm a password right away. Maybe, maybe, maybe... I guess we'll never know. These are the mysterious of the failed Internet sites.